Waiting For Night

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A soft glow, versus the
the harsh whiteness of day,
the light of the lamp against
brightenning daylight
form a disappearing contrast.

Overcast and the sun
looks to be on a coffee break and
the harshness covers everything in
adsolute untruthes.

No clarity or respite from the
harshness of daylight, only
a barren wasteland.

I can not wait until night.

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04.27.2017

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It’s 6:14 am,
and it hasn’t returned yet.  

Also, have no idea as to when it left.  The flow, that mergence between poet, human being and decency, that drive and need to write, had disappeared and it has slowly leaked away.

I don’t know how I got this way, 

a deasert without words
for miles around, to be at
a lost for words.

But well, to be fair, I have been distracted:

My counts have dropped, and my doctors and sources are insisting that I begin HIV meds right away.

But I haven’t wanted to.
My taking meds would end my run of having a capable and strong immune system, and to take that pill will begin the doubts of
some of my beliefs.

A lost of faith.

And without that, what would my life would or should be
about.

All but one friend has adviced that I take the meds and don’t look back.

I have had my meds for days, however, and I feel no urgent to do so.

Like this would be a good time to check out from life,

Just die.

It’s frightening, to not have that desire to live, to simply be happy with my existence.

All I have is a desire to question.

Lost Cause

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I don’t believe in
Lost causes.

It’s bricks, multicolored and
bitter sweet, are the
brickwork
of my House.

The windows holds
a multitude of broken
hearts,
sliced thinly,
to allow the
moonlight in.

I know not
whom I will later love,
only that I will do so
deeply.

Wet Dream….

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The Horde has
found me,
and the Fortress
is under seige.

Engines of War
laying waste to walls
and the battlements
are breeched.

I fall back,
refusing to use all
my powers,
the Amazons and Titans
cum, attempts to
incircle me fail.

I retreat to my Temple,
locked in,
they bang at bedroom doors
demanding entrance,
persistant banging at
my bedroom doors
and the oak slits, slinter
breaking its iron bars.

They pour in and I’m
overwhelmed.

They nailed me to a cross,
feeling spikes rending flesh
and bone.

They tie me to a stake in the
the ground setting me on fire
voices muddle moans
distantly I hear myself
scream….

Awakening in sodden sheets,
wet in my lower regions
I jump out of bed,
bare running through the
gates
to find sodden grounds
and boot tracks of a great host.

Was it only a dream,
or am I dreaming now?

Looking At You….

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Not very good
At expressions,
Looking at you
leaves me
speechless.

Sometimes,
I can feel you,
When you look at me
eating,
my back turned
away.

Are our spirits
entwined?

Briefly,
when we speak to
each other,
I laugh inside,
the ice encasing
my heart
melting away.

I desire you,
replacing that ice,
But wonder if I’m….
too jaded,
unworthy for
your presence.

So I sit,
Hoping,
fearing to
Look at
You.

A HIV Theory, Observations and Rearch

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As always, I’m writing on the fly.

I have been HIV positive since 1989.

I haven’t ever been on HIV meds, and I wish to continue be that way to the day I die.

However, I’m at a medical crossroads.

My immune system is fine, but it could use a little tuning up….

Here is my theory in a nutshell: that the auto immune system can be influenced, (or informed) to directly attack the HIV virus.

In my case, that is through dreams and channeling sexual energy.

I would love to have a discussion on this and that’s OK.  I would also find elite controllers and other long term progressives who haven’t been on HIV medication for more than 5 years.

Sincerely,

Eugene Hardy

Refugees

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The Central had seen
Grander days….

We were the Original Fleet of the Empire,
Before the Black Hole….we originated the
Primal colonies.

Then the hole appeared and we cease being an empire and became Refugees.

Our scienctists told us our civiization would survive such a fate, but not how we would live.

The Home World is gone, swallowed by our own sun.

We fled, then forgot who we were, accute memory lost.

We survived so well, that we forgot we were brothers,
And declared each other Other,
for the love of war.

I’m supreme commander CF,
And I sacrifised my fleet,
spacers, for the love
of my enemy….

Her part was the leader of the
Horde, no queen is She,
She is Goddess!!!

Her fleets,
no mear merchantmen,
Were built only for war.

I fell in love her you see, Her stratgy unseeming,
But effective.

I fell for mind, then her soul.
And knew in my heart of hearts I never kill
Her.

Would any commander,
sacrifice
His fleet for love?

Her Horde,
Were not fighting us just then:
Evacuting her refugees
She and the Horde
got caught in the black hole.

We went in.