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It’s 6:14 am,
and it hasn’t returned yet.  

Also, have no idea as to when it left.  The flow, that mergence between poet, human being and decency, that drive and need to write, had disappeared and it has slowly leaked away.

I don’t know how I got this way, 

a deasert without words
for miles around, to be at
a lost for words.

But well, to be fair, I have been distracted:

My counts have dropped, and my doctors and sources are insisting that I begin HIV meds right away.

But I haven’t wanted to.
My taking meds would end my run of having a capable and strong immune system, and to take that pill will begin the doubts of
some of my beliefs.

A lost of faith.

And without that, what would my life would or should be
about.

All but one friend has adviced that I take the meds and don’t look back.

I have had my meds for days, however, and I feel no urgent to do so.

Like this would be a good time to check out from life,

Just die.

It’s frightening, to not have that desire to live, to simply be happy with my existence.

All I have is a desire to question.

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